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I'm off to bed. I have to catch a flight at 10:30 in the morning here.


TALK TO YOU NEXT WEEK

SIX MONTHS TO GO

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SIX MONTHS TO GO
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my God, I've been looking forward to this for a while, but now that I'm here. LAME!!!! I can't believe I'm here for another half-year of downloaded TV, no bath tubs, dirty air, no Taco Bell or Pizza Pizza, no chocolate milk that tastes like chocolate milk, no steak, no cheddar cheese or mozzarella cheese (except on pizza), an increasing rate of baldness, very few friends, 10 hours of work a day.

Ok, I'll stop.

In other news, the highlight of my day was showing the Canadian version of "Life is a Highway" to the Kindergraten class... They love that shit, and Tom Cochrane is much less lame than those doorknobs who sing the song in Cars, which is where the kids know the song from.

What I learned today

Canadian criminals are pretty.

So now you tell me!

This has to be the best rule I've seen in a long time:

Please note: under Vietnamese law, men accompanied by Vietnamese women cannot check in without presenting a marriage certificate.

I don't know about your parents, but mine don't often bring their marriage certificate when they travel.

James Brown or Gerald Ford -- Who gets the longer obituary?

I can't wait to read sarcastic editorials about who got the most column inches for the obituary.

Ford was never even elected, and if I remember correctly, he was quoted around Reagan's death as having no wish to be so lavishly praised and idolized for the obligatory mourning period.

... on the other hand, how long is the New York Times obituary of a former Canadian Prime Minister. Would someone please be less lazy than me and write this up.

THIS DAY IN (somewhat Christmas-related) PICTURES

This kid honestly doesn't know why I'm taking his picture. The cake was there for a long time.

So this is what a crapload of Korean food looks like.

Pirate Santa!

Why haven't I seen this movie yet?

For some reason, this notebook has a picture of the CN Tower on the front... If it looks wrong to you, it's because the picture has been squished vertically to fit the page.

Think how dissapointed the tourists will be.

I know, I know. I take really good pictures.

Thanks though.

Yes, I know. Thanks again.

If you're writing a novel about a Korean man whose life is passing him by, I've got a good cover photo for the paperback.

And this.

I've spent a lot of time at the store trying to figure out how a Canadian travel guide can be thicker than an American guide?

You want to know how?

Extensive travel suggestions for rural Saskatchewan and Nunavut, apparently, and a section on British Columbia's skiing destinations.


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE 10 PEOPLE WHO VISIT THIS SITE ON A REGULAR BASIS!!!!

Yao Ming has an English tutor

If I hadn't forgotten to recharge the batteries in my camera,

I could have shown you a picture of Korean snow.

Amazingly, it looks almost the same as Canadian snow, although it works longer hours, values males much more highly than females and spends thousands of dollars a year on English lessons and American products while remaining xenophobic about English lessons and American products.

Yes, I enjoy a good e-mail forward now and again

This year's "Not My Job" award winner. Whatever that means.

I'm bored. I can't help it.

IT'S A PHOTOO DUMMP!!!1!!!!!!

Because I like looking at pictures of myself and I know you do, too.

WHICH ONE OF THESE PEOPLE IS HALF-CARRIBEAN?

WHY DID I WEAR THIS HAT?

CUTTING DOWN THE MULLET

WHO LET MY HAIR GET THAT LONG?

THIS GIRL IS BARELY FIVE FEET TALL

I'M LIKE SIX FOOT ONE AND THREE QUARTERS

I'M THINKING, "I COULD TOTALLY BEAT YOU IN AN ARM WRESTLE"

JUST THINK... IF THAT MAN HAD JUMPED, WHO WOULD HAVE EVER FOUND OUT ABOUT THE GUY WITH THE REALLY LONG NIPPLE HAIR

LOOK AT THAT HAND. IT LOOKS LIKE I'M HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH GOD

REALLY, IT'S JUST MY DAD TELLING ME I CAN'T GET A GOOD JOB WITH AN ARTS DEGREE

HARD TO EXPLAIN. IT WAS HOT AND I THINK THE PANTS TIED AROUND MY HEAD SOMEHOW MADE IT BETTER

I SCARED THE CAT ON THE RIGHT AND MADE IT THROW UP

I WANTED IT TO LIKE ME

A LONG TIME AGO

AND ONE OF THESE GIRLS HAS PRETTY EYES

STAGED PHOTO. SOMEWHERE IN COLORADO

18? 19? ALREADY GOING BALD

LOOKS LIKE A MAN WHO READS ATWOOD BOOKS. CHECK THE POCKET

I'm a sucker for these stories

The oldest person alive has died, and here's what she left behind:

40 Grandkids
75 Great-Grandkids
150 Great-Great-Grandkids
220-Great-Great-Great Grandkids
75 Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandkids.

She was born in 1890, and while it doesn't say how many actual children she had, I'm willing to bet it's because they're all dead.

Is this children's drink going to kill me?

This message is for the nurses, chemical engineers and chemistry PhDs who might be reading this website.

Is this children's drink going to kill me? Apparently they sucker Korean kids into a healthy dose of vitamins by putting them in these cut little yougurt drinks.

Needless to say, I've fallen for it, too. They taste good.

The following vitamins are listed on the front, so before I buy another dozen or so, could somebody please tell me if they're going to kill me?

Fe
E
B1
B6
C
Ca

Thanks for the free help.

This is a good movie.

My weekend wasn't a waste after all. Weekend at Bernie's is even better than I remembered it.

Next up: Big

Then: Uncle Buck, although I haven't found a copy of it yet...

R.I.P. Jeane Kirkpatrick ---- An Original Gangster

Feminists of the world are probably not mourning the loss of one of the most influential women the world has ever seen. But they should be.

The great Jeane Kirkpatrick is dead at 80, and since nobody knows who she is, I'm going on a rant.

Awesome Fact #1:
Jeane Kirkpatrick is the only female-starter on the neo-conservative all-star team. She was one of many disillussioned Marxists and disillussioned Democrats who jumped ship to form a powerful wing of the Republican party under Reagan and Bush II.

Without the likes of her, we may have never been involved in the current Iraq War, and if it weren't for people like her, Donald Rumsfeld and others might have never shaken hands so awkwardly with Saddam Hussein in the first place back in the 1980's. Read on:

An insane anti-communist, the "Kirkpatrick Doctrine" suggested that America support any anti-communist leader across the world, no matter how brutal and backward they were.

And of course, we all know that the 2003-to-present Iraq War was a key goal of neo-conservative/American domination scholars and lobbyists like Kirkpatrick, even for years before 9/11.

Awesome Fact #2:
She was the first female Ambassador to the U.N. back in the 1980's... so I guess you could say that the current ultra-conservative Ambassador John Bolton is the first male-Jeane Kirkpatrick.

Awesome Fact #3:
In 1984, Kirkpatrick gave a speech to the Republican National Convention that is now called the "Blame America First" speech.

In it, she complained about her old party, the Democrats, and their need to blame America for every problem in the world. For instance, when a communist dictator ascends to power in Latin America, the Democrats immediately blame America's 100-year-old policies instead of, well, the dictator.

And how dare they use history to make a point! Live in the moment, Democrats!

It doesn't need to be restated how significant this argument has been rhetorically over the past 30 years. Watch Fox News for an hour and you'll hear the term "Blame America First" at least once. Not to mention her targeting of "San Francisco Democrats".... Have you heard anything similar to that in the past two decades?

After her speech, Ronald Reagan and the Republicans went on to win every single state -- except Minnesota and its seven electoral seats. Woohoo! -- the biggest trumping in an America election since, well, 10 years earlier when Nixon did the exact same thing.

America is the world's greatest soap opera and it just lost its Susan Lucci.

Hoorah for Canada!!! (sort of)

The 1990s Ben Johnson beats up on the 1990s Carl Lewis in the Skydome.



Since my birth, this is unfortunately one of the biggest sporting moments in Toronto history.

There was 1993(?) when the Leafs were temporarily decent, losing to Gretzky and the Kings.

There was 1991 through 1993, when the Blue Jays dominated baseball before flaming out for a dozen straight yeras.

There was 2002, when the Raptors made the second round of the playoffs before flaming out for the next four and counting years.

There were also the Argonauts, who had spells of greatness under Rocket Ismail and John Candy, under Doug Flutie, and then recently with Pinball Clemens as coach.

BUT DONOVAN BAILEY BEAT MICHAEL JOHNSON IN A RACE THAT DIDN'T MATTER (except to me, and of course Donovan Bailey's bank account.)

A conspiracy against Ben Johnson exposed!

I love this story. It seems to make the rounds each time Ben Johnson gives a candid interview about his Carl Lewis conspiracy theories.

Ben Johnson says that Carl Lewis set him up! He had a beer before the tests and an American football player slipped some 'roids in it like roofies.

OK, honestly, I only put this here in order to once again show my favourite video of all-time. The great Ben Johnson running the fastest 100m time in the world at the time:



LOOK AT THAT LEAD!!! LOOK AT THE GOLD NECKLACE!!!

How embarassing is it that Carl Lewis got one of his famed gold medals in such a blowout loss. This has to be the finest example of second-place-as-first-loser.

Of course, Johnson's time of 9.79 seconds was disqualified, as was his previous record of 9.83 set a year earlier in Rome.

His 9.79 wasn't tied legally or illegally until Maurice Greene ran the same time eleven years later in 1999, followed by Tim Montgomery with 9.78 in 2002, and then Asafa Powell and Justin Gatlin who've run a total of four races at a speed of 9.77 in the last two years.

To Johnson's credit, two of the four people who've tied or broken his time have been disqualified for doping as well (Montgomery and Gatlin), so the Jamaican Asafa Powell is the only person to actually top him on record, which he's done three times now.

Run, Ben, Run. In my opinion, only Barry Bonds is/was a finer doped-up athlete.

The lasting impressions I leave on people

My brother recently spoke with a roomate from last year when I was holed up in a basement in London.

This is what she remembers about me:

"Ashley thought you were funny, and she told me about how she woke up one night and you were making a steak at 3 a.m."

I did that all the time!!!

All I can say is that my plan is working. If I can leave a lasting impression on every person I meet, no matter how grotesque or oddball it has to be, I've done my job on earth.

(Too bad the lasting impression I have of Ashley includes the sound of two engineers doing the baby dance.)

Anyone but Ignatieff. Yipee. (Apologies in advance for the length of this rant... It's a boring Sunday)

All the people I saw and read about who supported Ignatieff seemed like the worst kind of kiss-asses and phonies, grabbing at power by pretending to be do-gooders. Or is that every person in politics? I think his youth support reflects very poorly on my own generation and the kind of political leadership we're going to bring about. (But at least I'll have something to complain about in a few decades, so that's good.)

Ignatieff's popularity and the youth support generated by Stronach in her Conservative bid suggest that idol-worship is a little too strong in my generation. I mean, it won't be Hitler-Mussolini bad, but with those two names, it was recognition and status above qualifications and record of success. Not to mention they were both silver-spoon kids. (As was Dion, Rae... Jesus... Canada is much more dynastic than we like to tell ourselves.)

I don't have a clue about Mr. Dion, and it's annoying that Canada has so many prime ministers from Quebec... I'll still be voting Green next time, because the two major parties are still on roughly the same page and the NDP won't be the remotest of threats in the next election.

Also. Did Bob Rae really screw up Canada's economy? I was more interested in the Ninja Turtles back then, but my sense of history suggests that America too was in a pretty stagnant growth rate, and Japan was in freefall, and maybe Ontarians are putting a little too much blame on the politician in charge at the time. I highly doubt a Premier has that much control over the international market.

(Please feel free to tell me I'm wrong. I really don't have a clue, but he seemed the strongest candidate to me, by about two miles, assuming you could get past the recession thing.)

My real hope is that Rae stays with the party, gains some support over the next 3-5 years, and then becomes the next leader of the party at the next convention.

It's entirely possible that Dion will lose the next election, although the party's momentum will be strong with all these newly-marqueed names on the ticket, and if Dion loses, as any Liberal who loses an election, he probably won't get a second chance.

7 months to go. Oh my.

Word.

7 months down and the new teacher got a nicer/newer apartment than me.

I called the union, but then I remembered that this is Korea, and nobody has a union, and that the unions that still exist are now more restricted by the government because they made asses of themselves during the latest free trade protests, and oh yeah, it might even be in my contract that I get banned from the country for even mentioning the word 'union' on Korean soil, so it's a good thing that I'm just joking. The new teachers apartment is a little fancier (her camera doorbell is totally sweet), but my window is still bigger.

Yeah, about the 7 months thing. I'm more excited about the 3 weeks until Christmas thing (lazy weekend!) and the 1 month until I try to avoid getting lost in Vietnam all alone thing.

Wow, it's late. I hope I'm making sense. I should save this monumental '7 months to go' post until later.