Eleven months to go

After a month and a few days here, I suppose it's a good thing that my biggest concern is returning in a year to poor job prospects again.

Someone asked me to give them my impressions after the first month, and it isn't much:

• The city is a little gross and a lot over-crowded, but I don't mind, especially when I can tune it all out with my double-locking apartment door.
• Working as a teacher is a fairly busy job, but it's not too taxing, and it makes the time go quickly. The kids are cute too, and generally quite smart. They're more interesting to talk to then a lot of you people at home who might be reading this now.
• I'm not too hot on Korean food, but it's certainly spicy. Thank God for GS Mart and KFC. Without them, this monthly report may have been written from Orillia, Ontario, or wherever the hell else I may have found a crappy job.

And that's about it. My monthly report, in case you were wondering.

Apologies in advance for an unnecessarily wordy post about how it makes me cry to read the New York Times

It turns out that middle-aged men suffer from Useless Degree Syndrome as well. The article is about men in their 40's and 50's who are unemployed for years at a time because they can't find work that they don't find beneath them.

Hmm, this is starting to sound familiar. One of the subjects of the article even writes novels about cowboys to pass the time. Whoa! I thought I was going to cry when I read this, for two reasons:

1) That in one way or another, these men are reminiscent of about three-quarters of my friends right now, and if this connection is correct and relevant -- that western civilization (yeah, I said it) is at some sort of breaking point because it is currently structured to produce people that are over-educated and still somehow under-qualified for respectable work in a related field -- it's too bad I'm not intelligent enough to see the connection, leading me to;

2) The New York Times is an unbelievably good newspaper. The above article is about 3,000 words long and touches on two major characters and nearly a half dozen economic variables, including the fact that many of them are living off disability (which is growing at a sizeable rate in the U.S., which is also hilarious because the Republicans are in power), while others amongst the unemployed middle-aged are living off the equity in homes they own while they grow steadily in value (which makes me jealous again).

I really, really, really wish I were smart enough to write for this newspaper. Too bad I only have a Masters degree from a j-school where the only NYT alumnus was a copy editor over the summer (in her own middle age, mind you, which somehow ties in again with what I've just written, for reasons too complex for me to recite again, and probably too complex for me to even understand, being the type who isn't smart enough to write for such a fine newspaper).

I thought she was a good teacher.

Oh, and THREE PEOPLE wrote this article, too. THREE PEOPLE, who probably spent days of effort on this masterpiece, and which is COMICAL when compared with many writing positions where j-school grads are asked to write numerous articles a day.

Apologies again. This post was completely uncalled for... but fun to write, so THERE.

How long until Tim jumps on the wagon?

So South Korea is the Ireland of Asia (which doesn't really make sense in a comparison, because South Korea has about five times the population of Ireland, and thus, Ireland is the South Korea of Europe).

Booze is suppossed to be cheap here, but whenever I look at the prices, it looks pretty steep. The only comparison I have are the large cans of Japanese Sapporo, which I believe to be expensive at home, but certainly not $11 CAN, as they seem to be here.

As such, I don't think I'll ever be jumping on the wagon, despite the feeling that I would be somehow completely justified.

As such, indeed.

A bad bet

Off Rimits!

Someone sent me to this webpage and it was hilarious. A large collection of photos from Asia with broken and hilariously improper english. Engrish.com

My favourite so far is that KFC is called K "Ep-a" C, because Koreans have no "eff" sound, unless they get caught by me early, when I beat it into their head.

The Lord acts in mysterious (and creepy) ways

If anybody knows why all the crosses here are red and glow in the dark, please tell me.

Drive-By English

While talking in a phone booth today, I got drive-by English'd for the first time in a while.

Two young boys ran up to my booth, shouted "Hello," as loud as they could, and then vanished.

Also, I stumbled across the beauty salon below. The funniest part is that it's located in what seemed to be a pretty dirty and nasty neighbourhood - a place Ms. Hepburn would have visited? I don't suppose she ever made it to Seoul in the first place.

Friday Afternoon Shift in Seoul --- It's time to party!!!

Are Americans this stupid?

I'm usually the first in Canada to defend the honour of Americans in an argument. The always and often complaints are sometimes a little much.

HOWEVER, this could be actual proof that Americans are as stupid as Canadians like to say they are:

Travel to Newfoundland, says the most respected newspaper in the United States.

That's right - the New York Times, of all people, has an article about what a beautiful vacation spot ST. JOHN'S, NEWFOUNDLAND is! They even call it an "earthier" San Francisco.

(Of course, I've never been to Newfoundland, but when it comes to making fun of Newfoundlanders, I don't look at the facts. I just make fun.)

The cutest kid in the world just got cuter

Anyone I've talked to since I've been in Korea has heard about my favourite student, who will remain nameless so his parents don't sue, who I wish I could adopt... He's one of the biggest behaviour problems in the class, but I don't care, because he's also the smartest and has the best grasp of English of any of the students, despite being in Kindergarten. Therefore, I let him get away with a lot, unless he hurts somebody, in which case he gets a big X on the board.

Anyways. On top of all that, I walked into class the other day and found him singing, at the top of his lungs, the theme from the movie FAME, in perfect English of course.

So there it is. The cutest kid on earth just got cuter, and it makes me really, really wish I had a video recorder. I'd post a clip on the internet, except again, his parents would probably sue me.

Things I miss about Canada

#1: Taco Bell

#2: Steak

#3: People doing things for me

#4: Clean air and clean water

#5 Not much else!!!! You can't bother me with your problems for a whole year! So THERE!

Look, Mom! The only white person on the entire subway line.

Continuing a trend that upsets my mother, here's another picture of me looking old and confused.

The man on the right is Gord, a fellow teacher trying to make my picture look better by comparison. (He'd like me to add that he's actually the same height as me and he usually looks a lot more distinguished.)

This picture is actually a lie about the height of Korean people as a whole. The men of the younger generation are about as tall as men everywhere else. However, they probably don't wake up early enough for the late-morning rush hour. And yeah, this picture was originally an attempt to show how busy the subways are, even at 9 a.m. when us slackers head off to work, but alas, the better photos were hi-jacked by my baldness. This is the only one I didn't delete because it made me feel sad that I'm getting old.

Remember, in Korean years, I'm already 25. Do I have to explain this to anyone? Koreans start at one when they leave the womb, and when a new year begins, you immediately become a year older. That is, if you were born on December 31st of this year, you would immediately become two-years-old on your second day on earth - or rather, your second day in Korea.

(If anyone knows whether this is the same practice everywhere in the world except Canada, please tell me. I'd like to stop looking so ignorant every time I talk about this.)

Man with the red arrow pointed to his head, CHEER UP!

Because he's bedridden with a severe case of Useless Degree Syndrome, my friend JP gets a "cheer up" message.

Definition. Useless Degree Syndrome
To have a bachelor's degree, no significant social connections, and thus, NO JOB.

Cheer up, buddy! You know you're special and look at those handsome friends you have... You may be the most unreliable person in the world, but hey, you probably have more friends for it. It makes us feel good for knowing someone with something better to do.

UPDATE: I don't remember being invited to this affair in the photo... Do I have less friends than I originally thought?

My Aunt Olive eats socialists for breakfast

This is the best e-mail nugget I've recieved in ages... Here's what happened at a family picnic that I missed because I'm, well, not on the same continent.

TOAST ---->

"The picnic was pretty good fun. Aunt Olive told us how she won a debate against Ed Broadbent when they were in high school together. The topic was "should examinations be abolished" - she was for. She said he lost because he had too much info, it was disorganized and he twirled a pencil in his hand the whole time he was talking. She, on the other hand, had almost no information and no annoying mannerisms."
- An anonymous source within the family.

Take that, Broadbent! Maybe the federal collectivists should ask my Aunt Olive to lead their party.... I'd trust her political instincts before I'd trust the power couple below.

You learn something new (and useless) every day.

YES, THE CN TOWER IS STILL THE TALLEST "FREE-STANDING STRUCTURE IN THE WORLD."

There's only one catch - the words "above" and "ground."

According to Wikipedia, the greatest non-porn website on the internet, the CN Tower maintains its standing (bad choice of words) as the tallest free-standing building in the world on land.

There's a telecommunications tower in North Dakota that is 200 feet taller. However, with its many cables to hold it up, it's classified as a "supported structure."

As for the tallest free-standing overall, the title belongs to an oil-drilling platform in the Gulf of Mexico. Of course, the bulk of this "tower" is underwater and completely unseen by tourists or envious Americans across Lake Ontario.

So what's the point? Canada still has the tallest ------------- building in the world! That's my ------- point.

Forget all the people who've been saying, "No, it's not the tallest building in the world anymore." They've been sort of wrong the whole time. While Chicago's Sears Tower and Taiwan's Taipei 101 have been duking it out with taller and taller radio towers at their peak, Canada has always maintained its place as the country with the largest and most irrelevant penis-inspired building.

Thanks to Ted Rogers, it even has balls.

And that's your useless fact for the day, my dozen or so readers. I hope you enjoyed it.

(Apologies to any citizens of the Gulf of Mexico who are seething at my dismissal of their free-standing "wet" tower.)

The Conservative Jesus PICKING ON Georgie Peorgie?

American politics is my favourite soap opera, so of course I'm keeping up with the plotlines, even if I'm stuck on another continent. Fortunately, the love of snickering at American presidents is universal. And so is the internet.

I present: William F'ing Buckley, the Conservative Jesus, calls out George Bush for being a poor leader.

And further, this stolen picture of Buckley at 81:

A good 50 years after he told history (and American 'progress') to stop, the founder of the awesomely influential National Review is as sexy as ever.

And no, Buckley did not create Buckley's cough syrup, although he did create Christopher Buckley, the writer of the early-90's bestseller, "Thank You for Smoking."

Pictures for my Mommy

Howdy Mother (and anyone else who reads this),

Since you wanted me to send pictures, and since it would take forever to send them over e-mail, I decided instead to start this webpage where I can post them a lot easier. If you want to pass the address to anyone else, it's easy...

judgeholden.blogspot.com (And if you don't know who Judge Holden is, go into my library and read Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy.)

***Nobody reading this besides my mother has permission to go into my bedroom while I'm gone***

Anyways. Here's a fancy stream that runs through Seoul. I'm not going to spell out the name because it's about 20 letters long, but here's a webpage related to it, if you're interested.

Apparently this stream used to be covered by a highway through the city. In the past decade, they decided to clean it up and turn it into a "city beautification" exercise... As you can see, it's still covered by a highway, but in Seoul, this is what passes for "beautiful," and trust me, this is the best I've seen so far. (At least they're trying! I only saw two or three garbage bags in the water.)

When I have a few hours to kill on a weekend, I'll probably head further down than this. I imagine it continues for miles in each direction. Yesterday, when I took these pictures, there was some sort of demonstration going on... I hoped it wasn't an anti-foreigner demonstration, but how would I know, so I walked through anyway.





DISCLAIMER: Re-looking at these pictures, they make everything in Seoul look a lot clearer than usual... For clarification, this was easily the best day for weather since I've been here. You could actually see the blue sky through the clouds, which has been rare.

Below are two pictures of my hilariously ugly building. This seems to be a curse for me, first at UofT and then now - I'm always in the ugliest building in the city.

Welcome to the Sundgong Charmant Officetel. Apparently "officetel" means "residence for people who have decent jobs but don't yet have nice apartments because they aren't married or rich." According to my one source on the subject, it isn't uncommon for workers my age to live in company-supplied apartments, even living with roomates.

You've already seen the inside of my apartment. I'm not taking more pictures today because I'm hardly wearing any clothes and my room is a mess.

Oh yeah, I'm on the 10th floor, 5th unit from the right side of the picture with the window open and the blinds shut!




(In the picture above, notice that every single car is either black, grey or white? They can't have multi-coloured people, so I guess they can't have multi-coloured cars either. The green, blue and yellow buses have more personality.)

The pictures below are for Dad who asked me if I knew where the industrial parts of the city are... Well, they're sort of everywhere. The first picture is a block north of me, and the second is right across the street, which I just noticed today. They seem to pack in small metal, glass and woodworking shops wherever they can.




The next three pictures are just funny... The first picture is of mannequins I like... The second picture is a common sight here, obviously. South Korea is about 60% Buddhist, and Buddhists have no sense of shame about the Nazi's use of the symbol they've been using for centuries... The last picture is a pizza franchise with a good slogan.

(Also, the leftover Koreans are all Christians, I think, and the sight of a church is a lot more common in Seoul itself - something about that Protestant Work Ethic I suppose. If I had a good picture of the creepy red crosses they have all over the city, I would have included them. They only show well in the night though, when they look their creepiest, all lit up.)





Here's a contrast of the different shape that city streets can take. The first picture is only a block West of the second picture, but look at the difference

And yes, motorcycles on the streets are a common sight. They're pretty annoying, and a lot are driven by jackass teenagers. On Saturday night, a whole gang of them drive around honking their horns and swirving around all other cars on the road... The parade usually passes my building about 1:30 p.m. and continues with a heavy flow of bikes for about 5 minutes.




Another contrast. The first two pictures below are from one of the back-alley neighbourhoods you find if you stray off the main multiple-lane roads. As you can see, this is about the most confusing place in the world, especially if you can't read Korean.

In the background of the first picture is the neighbourhood in the second set of pictures - one of the newer condo campuses, where no buildings are shorter than 15 or 20 stories. These are everywhere, and I imagine they're slowly erasing the older neighbourhoods from the first set of pictures... With hundreds or thousands of these buildings, each with a thousand or so people, it isn't surprising that the population density here is third in the world. I believe Tokyo and Mexico City are at the top.






And that's it. I'll post more pictures another day.