Retirement shopping

Speaking with my parents recently, it was hard not to notice how close to retirement-home age they're getting.

Proof: My mother is older than three of the four Golden Girls.

In that spirit, I've decided to do some pre-emptive online shopping for my return to Canada when I'll sign my parents over to the nursing home and begin re-decorating their house.

For starters, I've never really liked having a pool in the backyard. The bother of cleaning it has always out-weighed the joy of swimming in it, so consider it filled in.

Instead, I've decided to purchase a 10-person hot tub like this one.


Bottles (of Labatt Blue) up!

Next, I'll be (finally) finishing the basement with the proceeds from selling my mom's world class quilts, and voila, I'll have enough room and money left over to buy the plasma screen TV I've always wanted.

I think this one looks jusssssssst fine.


Consider yourself invited to watch the next NBA Finals, everyone. Except you, Mom and Dad.

Oh, and when you arrive, you'll probably see the following piece of driving heaven out front.


That's right! A 1998 Pontiac Sunfire convertible. The dream car of every slacker across Canada and the U.S. of A, and Korea.