Judge Holden Was Here

Sunday, March 18, 2007

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Can't think of a better title)

I was browsing the guest speakers list for the OAC writing class at my old high school. The first result was more obvious, a former classmate of mine who now writes werewolf stories (hence, the joke in the last picture post), but this one, I don't know what to say.
You'd better believe I'm buying "Love by the Pound" as soon as I'm back
 in town.


posted by Timothy Holden at 9:02 AM

13 Comments:

  • I have no idea why this entire post is underlined. The new setup for posting here is "low-functioning."

    By Blogger Timothy Holden, at 9:15 AM  

  • That is a real bookcover. Someone sat down, thought about it, sketched it out, designed it, and submitted to editors who approved it.

    As an aside, i identifed approximately 1000000 Mary Sues and awkwardly written self-insertions based on the descriptions alone.

    I also bet the werewolf book is chock-full of Mary Sues. I would not be surprised if the protagonist is a "slender, pale, raven-haird mistress of the night who walks in both worlds (human and werewolf) and is driven to the edge of madness by her twin passions for blood and eroticism*"


    *Badly written sex scenes, all of which features some form of biting as "waves of passion tore through her lupine form". MOVES PAW TOWARD COCK.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:07 AM  

  • I recently rented "Love by pounding"...just joking...

    By Blogger Swordless, at 10:48 AM  

  • tim,
    i honestly thought you had photoshop-ed that book cover together as a joke ... until I followed the link ... wow ...
    rs

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:30 PM  

  • There's a lot wrong with that book cover, but the biggest distraction is that woman. She doesn't look particularly large, and appears to be straight out of the early '90s, look at that hair!
    I think if you rearrange the scale, the hearts and the cookies without the woman there, you have a much more respectable cover.

    By Blogger D-String, at 7:23 PM  

  • AJM, I'm glad you explained what a "Mary Sue" was, but please don't write four letter words for penis on here. Dumbface.

    By Blogger Timothy Holden, at 10:02 PM  

  • String, I totally agree with you. The girl on the cover doesn't look full-figured at all.

    And I'm totally buying one of this woman's books if I find one. They must have a few on the bookshelves in Bowmanville.

    By Blogger Timothy Holden, at 10:03 PM  

  • Tim,

    When you buy this, I want a full book review that runs the gambit of serious literary criticism including commentary on the sub-text and its thematic roots.

    By Blogger Swordless, at 6:04 AM  

  • I'm not qualified to do any literary analysis.

    My university essays consisted of phrases like "kickass prose stylings" and "wonky craftmanship in the construction of metaphorical stuffs."

    When I'm prime minister, I'm going to force universities to dig into their endowments and give refunds to those holding English degrees who are now working as factory workers and waitresses.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:06 PM  

  • Socalist

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:02 AM  

  • Timmer - this is a little bit off topic but I had to tell you as soon as I saw the trailer on TV .. there is a TMNT movie coming out again! I will never forget going to see that movie with you and Chris because you laughed SO loud at the movie. When you get back, we have to see it!
    Cuz Jen

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:50 AM  

  • I heard about this too, but I don't have the details.

    I'm definitely willing to see it with you. Are you in Toronto the first week of July? Is it even out by then?

    By Blogger Unknown, at 5:21 PM  

  • Who is tricknowledge? I thougth I signed in with my account. Oh well.

    And AJM, I'm not a socialist. A Canadian socialist would ask taxpayers to cover the cost of reimbursing tuition, not endowments... or they'd take money from highways and parks and increase gas taxes to fund their REIMBURSING ENGLISH TUITION AND PROVIDING LIMOUSINES TO HOMELESS SHELTERS bill...

    Details Pending.

    Tim

    P.S. Limousines for the Homeless has always been an important part of the NDP platform, in my opinion. They should publicize it more often.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:19 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home