The Blatchford Plan for Peace in the Middle East

How about the Americans shape up and actually make an effort to bring peace to the Middle East.

We all know that as long as Israel is sitting in the middle of a bunch of Muslim countries trying their darndest to be dictatorships, we aren't going to have any peace. There is no "one-state solution" for more than a few weeks at a time, and as for a "two-state solution?" That would take years and years of goodwill building up between the two sides, which frankly isn't going to happen.

Thus, I propose my own plan for Peace in the Middle East, with the help of a willing and able America, involving the following steps:

1) All of Israel should be tied to the back of American-built fighter jets and moved to the blue state in the top left corner of America. (Anybody know its name? I didn't think so.)

2) All of Palestine and Southern Lebanon should be piled on the back of donkey carts and pushed to the brown state on the right side of America. (Anybody know its name? I didn't think so.)

Now that the holy lands are empty of anyone but tourists, the Middle East is now peaceful. All remaining buildings in the region -- except for the holy spots that are still being fought over -- should be demolished and turned into parking lots.

NOW THAT'S A PLAN FOR LASTING PEACE!!! You think suicide bombers are going to walk all the way from South Carolina to Oregon? Yeah, right. They'll be sunning themselves at Myrtle Beach.